Morning breeze

It was cold this morning.
I had class early today and went out with a sudden wind blowing around. Hands got frozen and it almost felt like ice.
It was a good feeling.
The way it came to me was so unpredictable that made me think of death. It was almost the same. Came suddenly and took us away before we could realize. I wondered if death could be pleasant one like that.
When driving on the empty road, I coudln't help closing my eyes for seconds. Just wanted to blend into the wind, to become a part of it and to blow everything up into the sky above.
Today was a grey cloudy sky. Until now, there was no sun showing up. It brought back the memories of 2 years ago when I experienced sole life.
But it was a good feeling.

I went home at noon, signed in msn and saw D there. Weirdly, I felt it unnecessary to talk to him. I enjoyed the silence as sitting in front of my laptop, starring at his ID and then logging out. He didn't listen to me.

Whole night I was sunk in nightmares, not really nightmares. I was indeed sunk in my current life where I couldn't find anyone to trust in. D didn't want me to trust in him. Thus, I had to doubt at myself also.

Last night talk was sad. Even I admitted how badly I wanted to be with him, and how badly I wanted to see him happy.

I sat at the balcony for awhile, continued enjoy the breeze. Flowers were finally bloomed. I guessed they were all waiting for my care. They were almost withered when I let the maids water them. So strange that after a week I spent time for them, they turned into fresh and green, even bloomed now. The smell of flowers mixed in the icy air of weather created such a sense to please myself.
That was what I'd been waiting for. A little enjoyment that only me could feel.

I was trying to tell D how I felt today. I was trying to say, "D, I must have missed you a lot."

This fine weather was the most pleasant gift from nature for November.
I was glad that I was born in November.

If you're an electric socket, they're the plug. If you're the Internet, they're the wireless modem. That is to say, you two are really, really connecting.

Then show me D, if we were really connecting.