Anh đi công tác . . .

Em của ngày xưa và em của ngày nay cũng vẫn chỉ là một em. Có điều (thở dài 1 cái) già đi 1 đống, và (thở dài thêm 1 cái nữa) ngày càng khó tính. Thấy em y như là bà cô không chồng vậy.

Anh bảo, đừng thay đổi gì, mặc kệ bọn đờn ông ngoài kia rủa thầm cái sự xấu xí của em. Anh bảo, em quả là rất khó chịu, rất khó chiều nhưng mà cứ như vậy đi, đừng thay đổi gì.
Em ngồi thẫn ra rồi nhăn nhăn nhó nhó... gì mà tui khó chịu, tui dễ chịu mờ.
Thế là có 2 đứa quởn ngồi kể tội nhau mấy tiếng đồng hồ. Đã đời rồi lăn quay ra ngủ.

Hôm sau thức dậy, em lại thở dài 1 cái thiệt là dài. Em già thiệt òi, tự nhiên lăn ra ngủ tỉnh bơ. Mà nhìn đi nhìn lại, em thành cô người ta thiệt òi. Mà em cũng chưa có chồng thiệt. Vậy hóa ra đúng là em vừa già vừa ỏng eo khó chịu.

Anh nghe em thở dài, cũng nhỏm dậy. Toét miệng ra cười rồi bảo, em có già mấy thì cũng vẫn nhỏ hơn anh. Nên thôi, cứ đừng thay đổi gì.

Mỗi ngày ở sở làm. Em cặm cụi cặm cụi, hì hục gõ gõ đánh đánh. Tai vẫn nhỏng lên nghe mọi người bàn tán. Nhưng mà miệng thì cứ mím chặt không hé răng 1 lời nếu người ta không hỏi tới mình.

Tối về gặp anh, em bắt đầu xả máy. Kể tất tần tật tất cả cho anh nghe. Òi phán, cái phòng làm việc mà như cái chợ, ồn hết sức, hông tập trung làm được gì hết trơn.

Anh gật gù, nhiều chuyện thiệt. Nhưng mà vẫn có người nhỏng tai lên nghe tuốt luốt hết mọi chuyện.

Em quê, lăn vào góc phòng nằm im re.

5 phút sau lại nhỏm dậy. Kể cho nốt chuyện công sở hôm nay đã. Chưa bỏ tức mà. Ai biểu mình làm việc với số, đâu có tám được như mấy người nhàn rỗi.

Vậy mà vẫn có người ngồi nghe tuốt luốt chuyện em kể à.

Mấy nay anh bận đi công tác xa. Em về nhà buồn thiu, có một đống chuyện, mà kể không ai nghe. Con Bin nghe em nói, nó vẫy đuôi qua trái 1 cái, qua phải 1 cái òi ngủ gục trước cả em.

Tối nằm tự nhiên tủi dễ sợ. Sao già òi mà vẫn không có chồng là sao?

Nửa đêm, anh tranh thủ gọi về. Em đang mớ ngủ, nghe giọng anh, tự nhiên cơn tủi nổi lên, thút thít méc con Bin không thèm nghe em nói. Anh vừa dỗ vừa cố nghe cho hết chuyện ở sở em làm rồi lại phải đi làm tiếp.

Biết em nhiều tật xấu, tính hư vậy á. Mà lần nào cũng như lần nào. Toàn dặn em, đừng có thay đổi gì nghe...

(lại thở dài)
Anh lại đi công tác òi. . .

A secret of me

I've started working for a week. I enjoy my work actually. But I can't tell you about that.
Been choosing between you and my work. But I'm confused. I want both...

I think of you more often but I call you less.

I want you, the real version of you that I can touch and feel your warmth.

I wish we can be rich somehow. . .

A day of mine, a thought of you, beloved ex?

Your songs are always in my list. Very strange that we no longer talk often. Very strange that I feel awkward in talking to you. But I always believe, I can feel how your days should be. Something about you in me never changes and that something lightens me.

I like your latest song. I never tell you how much I like your songs and how I always support you from far away. It's not important anyway. I wish you always live well with your days.

Things are not so good for me. Full of failures. I always run away from my problems and wait for a miracle. I hate me for being like this. But it's me anyway. End of the way I will have to bounce back.

God, it's so funny how easily you can cheer me up. Even without words.

I haven't told you about my boyfriend. For almost a year with him, I haven't told all of my important friends about him. Some has heard too much and some has heard none. But don't worry about me, I'm with a good person, I'm in good hands of care. Maybe I will marry him. I feel wanted to be with him. A real life with him, not a dreamy one we used to have. It's a good thing though.

People asked me if I ever regretted about us. Yes, I sometimes do. I wish I was just a lovely sister to you more than been your ex once. I guessed we would have more fun that way.

I will introduce him to my family this November. Stressful you know... But I will have to. I'm end of the road, need a steady move now to step back in life.

I'm appreciated what you have and haven't done for me. Thanks a lot for those songs you've written even they are not for me anymore. Maybe at some point of time, I will miss you again. Let's hope that your next song will be a greet for me and him. Thanks for all, indeed.

Song: A New Day

La la la la la la~

Such a sweet surprise to see you on TV program. Somehow to me, you are still a guy I used to admire. I'm glad that you finally can make it finally. Happy with your life :)

Im getting my dreams done. Im getting them soon..

The whole word doesn't let me rest

"I love you but I need to go to bed. No joking. I feel like I have to die to sleep."

How come you said such a thing. That just killed me, and it killed everything.
Now mind and heart made same decision, DO NOT SPEAK EVEN A WORD TO HIM.

Since when I don't let you sleep? Since when I force you to stay awake? Since when I become just anybody else?

This relationship is not healthy. Definitely not healthy.

Please, just ignore me. Just leave me. Don't make me have to suffer more...

Self

This blog is the self talking to self. Things I don't want to hear from people. Things I don't want people hear. Things I've lived with for ages. Still with love, tough love. Love that I can't share to anyone else. It's self-loving.

Many nights with same line: "Self, why are you awake again?"
Wandering in silence, timeless until sunlight spot the corner of the room.
And another same line: "Uh oh, awake again."

Self gets weakened. Much more weaker. Adding up of ages and experiences in life. Self's getting weakened. And I don't have time to rest, heal, recover.

If you were not me, you would never know how much it could hurt.

Give me more hobbies, more works, more pressure!
That's another side of me speaking.

It's forcing me to be strong. Growing up and getting stronger. Despite how painful and unfair life can be . It weakens me more.

And if you were not me, you would never know how tiring it could be to put on a smile.

One can say, properly I'm a type of no stress in life. How adorable to say such a thing about someone you don't even know. I wish I don't know what stress it as well. Still, everyone is the same, has to deal with their own life.

Self, I still love you, you know.
I have to schedule meals evenly for a day. I have to note, drink more water, drink more milk, no stay up late, exercise . Have to support the optimistic me to brighten this dark corner of me.

Everything is too emotional.
It happens when I love me less than I love him.

Make me more selfish.
That's the only cure..

Speaking of the truth

If you love someone way too much, you begin telling lies to them. Hurting your beloved one is not what you want to do. And sometimes, to avoid that, you start telling lies.
But I can't do it to you. Because I made a promise to be honest to you.
Is it make me love you less somehow?

Another sigh

25 Nov to 2 Dec... that's it?
/sigh..

Inspiration

I always have this feeling whenever I listen to jp songs, watch jp movies or read jp books. It is hard to explain, but I am just inspired. It is somehow alike to time I've spent reading our old chat logs. Very light refreshment. It is like I've found the most precious treasure in life.

It's always a pleasure when I can enjoy what I really love.

I know you will say, "Honey, don't read those old talks. They make you crazy again."

But you know what, I will just have to repeat, "I love reading those over and over again, because they make me love you more and they remind me to treasure our moments together."

Suddenly I wish to be more as me, nonsense and hyper...

Another week...

You are on business trip again... Last 5 o'clock morning call made me so teary to think of being alone for whole week. My heart is getting softer and softer everyday when you are getting further away from me. Everything now is just as I wish. I don't ask for anything more. Can you stay like this all the time? Being understanding yet so caring.

For a week without your voice, I will look at your pictures more often and also, sleep more to dream of us.

I talked to Vivi a bit more this week. Not because of you are not around, don't think of it wrongly. Just because he's been through a heart break.

Others' love stories, some makes me stronger, some gets me weakened. But all of them gives me a same thought, we must love each other a lot.

Take care of yourself and be back to me soon.

Love.

Flash in the pocket

'Hi Bee,
I hope you have a great birthday and
are able to enjoy another year of
happy memories.

Another year older,
another year cuter!

Happy Belated Birthday

Daryl'

Love

Love is amazing. When I hear someone asking about you, I can't help smiling...

Air to breathe.

Today I went shopping with my sis and my mom. It was nice when we could spend time together, girls only like that. We went to supermarket then to the mall. My mom and my sis tried different colors on my nails and my face T-T and we went home looking like 3 kids messing up at school, full of inks and dirt.

I haven't had a thought of you, until I am here, in front of the computer. Bad, isn't it? But at least, I think of you less today.

I think of you less for many reasons. I was mad with you yesterday and I decided to have more time away from you. I set time and limits to see what will happen to us. Also, I got good news today from my beloved girl that she would come back to Vietnam within a week. It means, most of my time will be with her just as when she was here with me. I'm excited to know how much she's grown up from living overseas also, how much closed she is still with me. Another good news today I've heard so far, is I may have a chance to work with one of my good friends, good sisters actually. Being busy is always good for me.

Another thing today after dinner, is my CV... I need to write it in Vietnamese T-T. So I can submit it tomorrow.

For all of those reasons, I think of you less and think of me more.

P/S: I got new favorite lip stick today, almost as red as Union Red from Burberry and much cheaper. New eyeliners are cool too. This is the first time my parents and my sis all agree that I look good with eyeliners lol...

我们的纪念 - Our Memory

数不清得泪
The endless tears,

我又哭了好几回
I've cried a few times again.

幻化沉淀
I transform into a butterfly

停留在这片屋檐
and rest on this fallen leaf.

被封化得雪
The snow that was melted by the wind

埋藏在千年以前
was buried a thousand years ago.

我用尽一生得 思念
I've exhausted a whole life of yearning

只为等着你出现
just to wait for your appearance.

回忆渐渐都是
Memories,

梦在我身边
gradually wither and fall by my side.

换我醒原来 还跳动的画面
I cannot rouse the moving images from before.

就让我留在
Just let me stay on the brink of reincarnation

轮回的边缘 等一道光线
and wait for a ray of light

看见某年某月
looking back in time

我们之间曾经 说过的预言
at the predictions that we've once made.

就让他带走 你的那瞬间
Just let that moment where it took you away

成为我们的纪念
become our memory.

谁能发现我的世界
Who can realise that my world

曾经有过你的脸
once had your presence.

For no reason, just happy together.

Went to watch Twilight Eclipse today. It was perfectly normal to go there alone, except the part, surrounding me were couples; and the couple sat next to me kept kissing each other - even more than kissing scenes on the screen.

It is really a TEEN movie. Not really my type of movie at all, but it is fine to watch one in awhile. Teen movie is always full of romances and spirits of 'I'll do anything for love.' Surprisingly, it can inspire me somehow as well.

I was thinking of you during the movie. And I was glad that you didn't have to watch this movie with me. It must be boring for you. Maybe it would turn out, we could be busy kissing each other as that couple.

This part of Twilight was about Victoria coming back to haunt Bella with new born vampire army. In order to protect Bella, Edward and Jacob had to coordinate. A shaking hand between vampire and werewolf to fight against vampire. Interesting huh. Too bad, not much fighting actions on screen but more of kissing scenes. However, there was one little part I really liked of this movie. It was when Bella explained why she wanted to be transform into vampire with Edward. It was not romantic but really realistic. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to blend in his world, where she believed she belonged to. She wanted to live with him at all cost.

That spirit somehow was yours. After our talk today, I fell like we once again fell in love with each other. Everything was so fresh like just beginning. Finally I could wipe off my sadness and my doubts of us.

Our love is small, it is like a kid who needs lots of care and guidance. It will grow up nicely or not, depends on its nature and our time for it. But I believe we can handle it well. Belief in it, is already a good beginning.

P/S: At the scene that Edward proposed to Bella, he gave her a ring, absolutely romantic then I heard a voice near to me yelling 'That's the fake diamond ring' and the whole theater broke in laughter. That was totally a ruin. She should know, whether it's diamond or not, it is still engagement ring; why stress out a guy with a thought, it must be diamond???? By the way, I laughed when hearing her yelling too, lol..

Many the Nights

My friend told me, 'Out of sight, out of mind'
There is a fact that, you are always out of my sight. However, I've never stopped thinking of you.

In this empty room where the air seems to be frozen, I'm full of our memories. So close but so far. I've longed for your touch. This night, it's so cold when you cannot hold me. It's raining outside, my music turns on loudly but the sound of the rain even more louder.

Our story is like fairy tale? That we met each other from nowhere. That we didn't even know when we fell into this trap. That we didn't even have a proper date. And people still say, our story is like fairy tale.

Today I went out with a guy to the cinema. I wanted to watch 'Knight and Day', but not alone this time. I picked up a name randomly from my friend list, and went out just like that. Same fragrance, same long hair done, just with a different guy. Not a guy I wanted to be with at all. Your advice was not good at all. I should have just go to watch movies alone. Or I will have this sleepless night forever.

Everything's supposed to do together. We have to do it alone; or with someone else. Does it sound like a fairy tale?

I wish you were my knight, who would give up a life to protect me no matter what. And as your princess, I would love to go everywhere with you. Until now, I kept thinking, the best for a princess would be a knight, not a prince.
What could be good about a prince? Prince was born in wealthy family, and had been around with a few princesses. All he had to do was to pick up one among them. Then people would say 'and they live happily ever after'; a boring life.
Knight, in another hand, was completely different. He could be from any kind of family. He could be trained in various ways. He could do many things to get known as a knight. A knight did all of his costs to protect his princess. Just his princess only. And he never asked for a good life with her. If he found luck, she would be married to him. If not, she would be with a prince. And a knight was still in charge of protecting her.
A knight actually was the one who wrote the 'happy ever after' for his princess. Not a prince. But who would want a knight for a life?

My man was not born from a wealthy family. From what I'd known so far, he had to take care of his family since young. From what I'd known so far, he had always worked hard for everything. Silently as a knight, he worked hard to get to me, to give me a life I want. Too bad that he couldn't promise me anything. Too bad that he had so little time for me. Too bad that all I could do was to wait for him day by day. For some days, some months, I could wait. But for some years, could I still wait?

Some months ago, that fact hit into my fragile relationship once. We almost fell out of it then my knight gave me his hand, asked me to hold it tight and gave him another chance to try everything out with me.

This life is so unfair to everyone. Asking us to try our best but never giving a damn. The most fear to me currently is I won't be able to wait longer, until my knight comes and rescues me. I don't want to be with a prince just because my knight is too busy fighting out there.

I want to be fair with my knight. I want him, to be my knight, and my prince some day. Well, if he's getting married to a princess, does it make him a prince?

Until then, everything I have to do alone, or with someone else...

Love is free

Koh said, 'i have this feeling in me, that u 2 are like fairy tale. like those old husband and wife'
/shock
Are we 'that' old honey?

I've had doubts. I've been walking through heavy clouds and foggy season of this relationship. Some has changed, some still remains. Either way, we are still together.

There are limits for things. Take it or leave it for granted is a matter of your abilities.

---/---
Bee: you still want to marry me?
D: yes
Bee: even im crazy?
D: i've been thinking it for a long time
D: everything i'm doing now is to be able to reach that point later
--/---

Love is free and people always have to fight for their freedom :)

Take a Walk...

"do you feel lost in your place
no one seems to understand your mind
does anyone care to know what is it that troubles you inside
do you feel lonely in your heart though everything seems to be right
take a walk with me away from everything that makes you to cry"

Tuyệt nhiên im lặng

Past in present
Absolute silence.

Đừng có mà xô ngã nhau khi ta chỉ muốn thong dong còn người thì mong tăng tốc.

Ta muốn ngã vào lòng người, vùi mình trong giấc ngủ sâu thật sâu. Một giấc ngủ đủ dài để ta không biết tháng ngày mà cạnh kề bên người mãi mãi. Đó là điều mà ta mong mỏi.

Người muốn ta ở cùng thực tại, phải không ngừng vận động để tránh ù lì. Người chỉ ngủ khi thật sự mệt mỏi. Đó là giấc ngủ để đón chờ ngày mai, đem ngày mai vào thực tại. Đó là điều người mong mỏi.

Ta ngày càng chỉ muốn lặng im, ta muốn phải lòng nhau, điên cuồng vì nhau, sống chỉ cho nhau.

Thật viễn vông và ngu ngốc.

Có lẽ kiếp này, ta và người không thật sự thuộc về nhau. Sai lầm chăng huh người?

So selfish to worry and overreaction.
We can just hold each other tight tonight.

Everyday, same story

Wake up,
stuck in traffic jams,
work my a** off,

lunch break,

home and lunch with you,
short nap,

back to work,

stuck in traffic jams,
night class,

home without you,
playing game,
sleep.

End.
Heck!

If I Could Turn Back Hands Of Time

Never knowing I'll be singing this song someday.

Blame me for being crazy

I watched Shrek some days ago and had been emotional since then. Shrek's soundtracks also get me easily. I was in the chaos of this relationship. The more I treasured it, the more it felt so painful. Too painful to hold one's heart.
You'd been changing for good lately. I was happy with it. But also I was afraid, what if some day you left me alone again. A trust was just about to be gained and had just lost. How to start all over again? I couldn't do it right away.
All about us was just an accident. We were once upon a time in love...

Vivi got mad with me when I decided to be with you no matter what. Gau also stood in distance with me... All of those were about caring and caring. What should I do to ease them all?

I need sleep
I think..

I love you no matter what

Hard to resist it.
All guys have their way with words, to soften a heart.
"I love you no matter what"
I love you, true, no matter what...

Worth to wait?

Today my friend suddenly gave me a fortune telling from tarot cards. And guess what, it made me want to kill my relationship right away.

First cards: How is my love life?
1. Past: White tiger drinking water: Hurting with many of incidents. Obsessed. (True)
2. Current: Turtle on the road: Going to nowhere. Can't decide to leave or stay. (True)
3. Future: Green dragon sneaking behind wall: Hard to trust in love. Want to try out but be afraid of getting hurt again. Or having secret lover.

Second cards: When will I get married:
1. First year: Waiting for nothing.
2. Second year: Lots of fighting.
3. Third year (29 years old): A chance of being married.
4. Forth year: Quarreling for facts of life.
5. Fifth year: Feeling distant.
6. Sixth year: Getting separated.
7. Seventh year: New page of life.

... Waiting 3 years for a marriage which will be ended anyway.
LOL

Secret lover

It's how people know about you. It's all just my talk. I don't mind it since secret means you're only with me, only I know. And that's all I've asked from you.

Please...

At time like this, you should be here by my side...
Tell me I've made right decision to give us one more chance.
Tell me, tonight I won't have to sleep alone...

I've been crazy of missing you.
I've been crazy without you.
Tell me you will make it up for me...

19/4

24 hours a day
7 days a week

I'm thinking of you...

Maybe I should try one last time, running to you.
Maybe I should just forget everything.

A year has passed.

Another day

Study is getting crazy and I spent all day taking pics... lol
Typical craziness.

I talked to R again.
She still didn't admit she cheated on K. lol.
Surprised that she could read my twitter. lol.
R asked me about him and I just said,
'love is
tough.'
Actually, I just didn't want to tell her anything.

I dreamed of nonsense things everyday...
Since when I'm full of depressions?

I m i s s y o u...

Cry...

I dream of you more often lately... barely can breathe...

I still cry at night, a lot, when all work and study are done. At the end of the day, I feel so lonely.

You stop answering my phone. Sometimes, it's like a habit. I dial your numbers automatically. It's strange that I can't really answer when someone asks for your numbers, but never I dial wrong ones.

I don't dare to log on msn, I don't dare to check whether you are online or not.

I have to fight against my weak mind every second, have to convince myself that we are no longer together. I try not thinking of us.

Lately I've worked hard like crazy. I don't want to be home facing the walls.

God damn it, I think of death every morning. And always have to remind myself, "I won't die that easy. I can't suicide. Many things left undone. I will find someone ELSE soon."

I leave all of your stuffs untouched. My phone is still full of your messages, but I haven't read them over and over again as I used to do.

So hard to get rid of the memories. So hard, not to blame you...

A man failed to protect his lover. Worse that he failed to keep her faith.

If you want to leave, just leave. Why do you have to treat me badly? Why do you have to prove that, all guys are the same, all tell lies and all can't take his own mistakes?

I nearly died with my past relationship. And you saved me, you brought me back my confidence, and my beliefs. Then you destroyed the last piece of my heart.

Too bad, I still think of you a lot. Even wanted to see you once again... Maybe I need a stronger hit. I need to see how happy you are with her.

I don't want to blame anyone...

For the first time, I had to beg a guy not to leave me alone. And you still walked out of the door.

You said, I deserve a better man, and a better life. Then why I have lived in miserable days for so long...

Words...

Vivi: "Of cos I understand u have to cry. The only way to cope like I said is to get angry. Why shld u cry when he outside drinking and having sex with other women?"

Gau: "It's funny that you always get in long distance relationship, even close one got into distance after awhile. Anyway, it's his lost to break up with you. He can't find any girl half good as you. Later he will regret and go back to find you. Men are selfish, they always think for themselves first, why do you have to bother yourself thinking for them."

Vivi: "I'm pretty sure men often chase after you. You're pretty, smart and nice. It's not like you will die without him. Breaking up with him is just another chance for you to find someone better. Just ask yourself, after all happened, is he worth of your time? Stop wasting your time to wait for a guy like that."

Quoc: "Don't cry my little sis. He is just a stupid guy since he makes you cry like this. Find someone who lives in the same city with you so you don't have to do everything by yourself. Your boyfriend is just a bastard."

Damn!

After some months in relationship, here are the results:

1. Lost 5kgs.
2. Sleepless.
3. Cry more often.
4. Didn't have time hanging out with friends.
5. Cellphone bill up and up and up.
6. No more photography, no more books, no more movies.
7. Self-confidence: 0
8. Look at me, I look like deadmeat every time.
9. Study is not so good.
10. Work is even worse.
11. Heart has more cracks now.

It's just not right.

Message history for D

12/3/2009

8:40:00 PM

D

Van

always feel good when u talk to me

12/3/2009

8:58:00 PM

D

Van

everytime u dc is my punishment already

12/3/2009

8:59:57 PM

D

Van

if ur laptop breaks i dont know what to do

12/3/2009		9:08:00 PM		D		Van		originally i like to call u bee cuz short for baby :P
12/3/2009		9:08:08 PM		D		Van		babeeeeeee

12/3/2009

9:09:27 PM

D

Van

baby is my baby someone i want to take care of

12/3/2009		9:19:11 PM		Van		D		because that time
12/3/2009		9:19:26 PM		Van		D		u told me u didnt believe in relationship on internet
12/3/2009		9:19:34 PM		Van		D		and u didnt want to be with anyone
12/3/2009		9:19:45 PM		Van		D		so ...
12/3/2009		9:20:06 PM		D		Van		it's true i still cant believe i like you so much
12/3/2009		9:20:10 PM		Van		D		...
12/3/2009		9:20:12 PM		Van		D		>.>
12/3/2009		9:20:16 PM		Van		D		then dont believe
12/3/2009		9:20:25 PM		D		Van		i mean not dont believe
12/3/2009		9:20:34 PM		D		Van		i mean more like shocked
12/3/2009		9:20:39 PM		Van		D		= =
12/3/2009		9:20:52 PM		D		Van		because i think of u everyday often and already want to visit u

12/3/2009

9:29:08 PM

D

Van

does ur feelings tell u how much i think of u?

12/3/2009		10:00:46 PM		D		Van		beee i always wondered what kind of bf u like
12/3/2009		10:00:49 PM		Van		D		=p
12/3/2009		10:00:52 PM		Van		D		secrettt
12/3/2009		10:01:00 PM		D		Van		nooooooo
12/3/2009		10:01:04 PM		Van		D		=p
12/3/2009		10:01:12 PM		Van		D		then what kind of gf u like?
12/3/2009		10:01:21 PM		Van		D		if u tell me then i will tell u
12/3/2009		10:01:22 PM		D		Van		i can tell u lots
12/3/2009		10:01:22 PM		Van		D		keke
12/3/2009		10:01:55 PM		D		Van		hmm understanding, and caring
12/3/2009		10:02:08 PM		Van		D		and?
12/3/2009		10:02:23 PM		D		Van		and likes to spend time with me
12/3/2009		10:02:23 PM		D		Van		but when i have to work she wont be mad
12/3/2009		10:02:36 PM		D		Van		um the personality wise is pretty close to you
12/3/2009		10:02:46 PM		Van		D		really?
12/3/2009		10:03:02 PM		D		Van		you can be mature when needed but when we relax it's okay to be young and have fun
12/3/2009		10:03:37 PM		Van		D		i told u what kind of bf i wanted long time ago
12/3/2009		10:03:40 PM		D		Van		i am pretty immature myself when i'm not working
12/3/2009		10:03:40 PM		D		Van		i still play video games ^^;

12/3/2009		10:18:42 PM		D		Van		you have lots of fun hobbies
12/3/2009		10:18:53 PM		Van		D		like what?
12/3/2009		10:18:53 PM		D		Van		if i was there i would go take pictures with u
12/3/2009		10:18:58 PM		Van		D		oh
12/3/2009		10:18:59 PM		Van		D		:D
12/3/2009		10:19:01 PM		Van		D		^.^
12/3/2009		10:19:06 PM		D		Van		watching movies always fun
12/3/2009		10:19:09 PM		Van		D		^.^
12/3/2009		10:19:22 PM		D		Van		and u like to play swords kekeke
12/3/2009		10:19:30 PM		Van		D		no longer muh ><""
12/3/2009		10:19:59 PM		D		Van		i can even imagine myself reading with u

12/3/2009		10:36:40 PM		D		Van		he put the spaces in kiss?
12/3/2009		10:36:42 PM		Van		D		no
12/3/2009		10:36:45 PM		Van		D		i put
12/3/2009		10:36:51 PM		D		Van		lol
12/3/2009		10:36:54 PM		D		Van		beeeeeeeeeee
12/3/2009		10:36:58 PM		D		Van		so funny
12/3/2009		10:37:01 PM		Van		D		= =
12/3/2009		10:37:03 PM		Van		D		not funny
12/3/2009		10:37:07 PM		Van		D		i dont like those jokes
12/3/2009		10:37:24 PM		D		Van		that's something i like about you too
12/3/2009		10:37:30 PM		Van		D		huh?
12/3/2009		10:37:37 PM		D		Van		how you write the words yiou dont like
12/3/2009		10:37:38 PM		D		Van		it's cute

12/3/2009

10:41:22 PM

D

Van

nooooooo no ; ; face before i sleep

12/3/2009		10:41:42 PM		D		Van		happy face please :)
12/3/2009		10:41:48 PM		Van		D		nuuu
12/3/2009		10:42:02 PM		D		Van		i love your smile you know that

12/3/2009		10:43:17 PM		D		Van		i need to get the mic tomorrow
12/3/2009		10:43:21 PM		Van		D		=p
12/3/2009		10:43:22 PM		D		Van		so i can talk to you before bed

12/6/2009		9:40:56 AM		D		Van		i like to see what you are feeling
12/6/2009		9:41:00 AM		Van		D		; ;
12/6/2009		9:41:06 AM		D		Van		because you wont tell me directly most of the time

End of stories.

I decided to take a break from the relationship, just within one second after hanging up my phone. No point to carry on when trust doesn't exist and my partner hasn't tried to make it up for me.
It was a very short conversation as usual, lasted in 1 minute. Three magical words don't always work, especially when you say them out as a habit only.

No need to explain. No need to announce, "Honey, I've leaving you."
You just can't make your girl worried and cry all the time.

I've been trying so hard to make it better for us. And for all the time, I'm at home alone, no idea where you've gone, what you've done and when you will be home. For all the time, I'm at home, trying to fill in time and this empty space with work, study and this blog. I have to laugh at myself all the time. I don't want to admit all good moments have been in memory already. R.I.P

What's the point of crying and hurting myself? What's the point of trying?You just admitted that you wouldn't have time to talk to me.

Tell me, are you worth of all my trying?

This should be fine for me, another day without you.

Memories Of A Beautiful Memory

I was reading your old mails to me and I found a poem you wrote for me. That was sweet and that was long time ago. That's what I should memorize.
I was checking back all of your messages to me and I found one saying you would come and would take me away from my glooming days. That's what I should memorize.
All the songs you'd sent to me, all your pictures and all the time we'd laughed together, I remember all. Those memories have keep my faith through time and distance we've separated.

Why am I wanting to cry...

Love will always win

After days sunk in the dark, finally the light touches my skin.
Finally, there's a chance for me to prove how much I've loved you. I'm glad I can grab such an opportunity like this. Honey, now I can be more closer to you than ever. Now I can say, if we want it, we have to go through it. I've worked hard for this moment. A moment that you can see me and be proud of me.
I've been somehow distant to you but it is a necessary to keep us together. I need enough certain space for you to miss me and to appreciate every moment of us. I need to stop tears falling down and to bring smiles on the faces. That's how we used to be; and that's how we will always be.
Honey, 2 more months, and I will be happy to shout to the world, "You're my only honey."

Take a walk, baby

When everyone around me seems to have a place for their owns, a place that they do belong; I feel lost in our own house. Nothing matters, I keep repeating it everyday, as long as we can be together. I don't want to be alone and let the shadows of sadness eat my soul.
Everything seems to be fine. But after awhile we speak no word to each other. None of us seems to understand our minds. None of us seems to care what tumbles the peace.
Another day, has just gone. But I don't want to count how our happiness slips away in time line. Nothing can put us to sleep until we can find back our lullaby. What troubles you inside? What troubles me, honey?
You're always busy. Too busy to take a walk with me as we used to do.
Laying down next to you, hearing your breathing. It's the best moment of the day. While you're sleeping, I can just gently touch your face, can look at you closely and hold you for awhile. No more shouting, no more silent quarrel, no more crying for that moment.
I still just love you as I always do. But if only you have your little time walking with me to see how it's true...

Is it funny the way people love us?

I read a book... It had a sentence like this "Don't love me just because I'm good in bed."
It was kind of sad to realize, most of men love their women just because of sex and later, it was also the main reason for them to leave their women.
A night before Valentine's Day, one of my male friend had a personal message on his homepage like this "ok, i'll go ahead and say it now.......I FEEL SORRY FOR ALL YOU SILLY ASSHOLES WHO HAVE TO SPEND A BUNCH OF MONEY TOMORROW JUST TO HAVE SEX WITH SOME GIRL WHO YOU'RE DATING AND SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYWAY! that will be all. thank you."
Is it everything must be about sex? Is that you fall in love with your girl just because of that?

It is happening like that, the way men treat women in my country. No one admits that fact but we all know. Many of my male friends are like that. And I can't do anything to stop it happening...

A truth of us.

Probably both of us haven't had enough rest. I feel tired sometimes, not just because of heavy workloads. I know we still have a lot to talk of and I understand you just can spare a little time with me. But for a girl, with weaken heart in any meaning, I'm broken down easily and I need a lot of your cares. I know I'm not your ideal girl to stand back and support you with this life. That's why it's hard for me to open my mouth ask for anything from you. But, is it my rights to keep your eyes on me?
The last time breaking down makes me realize this distance and this different time zone are the biggest headache for us. The things I can do, are to learn to take care of myself and to ease the wanting of seeing you everyday in my heart.
Somehow this love is painful and tiring for both. Why have you kept trying so hard? Why don't you just simply release yourself?

I don't dare to tell you that... it was because of our talk causing me a break down.
I can't have my peaceful soul to rest well when my heart is full of burdens.
Let just ignore the fact that I need you more...

Valentine's Day

Not so necessary as I love you everyday.
Still... I hope you love my presents :")

Been through the storms...

Let me sleep for awhile

Days... been days he's leaving her alone.
Once again ignoring her begging look.

She got sick, this time, it's too bad she's in coma.

Last talk to him, she said "I let you sleep for awhile. You're too busy with work then no need to share your little time with me. Just sleep more and be healthy." He didn't feel happy with the way she talked and walked away from her.

Just a week then everything had changed, she just simply told him "Let me sleep for awhile, I'm tired.."

Baby, I wish I listened to you more and spent more time with you when I could. Please wake up after this night and wish me goodnight as you always do. I didn't know you got sick, I never noticed it at all. I didn't prepare for this situation. Please wake up and talk to me.

The fairest silence

Im lặng, cô chọn cách im lặng và giấu kín tất cả nỗi lòng mình. Cái chau mày đầy sự hoài nghi và cái mím môi đầy bất mãn chỉ diễn ra trong suy nghĩ. Ngồi trước anh, cô vẫn tươi cười như thể ngày đầu họ bên nhau. Chỉ có ánh mắt là vô vọng, không thể nhìn anh như những ngày xưa. Vì thế cô tránh nhìn vào mắt anh.

Cô biết anh vẫn yêu cô, chỉ là, anh đã không còn yêu cô như cách cô vẫn mong muốn. Cô hiểu rất rõ, đó là một yêu cầu quá sức cho bất kỳ người đàn ông nào. Không thể khiến họ yêu cô đúng như những gì cô mong muốn.

Anh chọn công việc. Sau hàng giờ lăn xả với công việc, anh chẳng còn hơi sức nào để lắng nghe cô. Và cô, sau một ngày dài mong ngóng anh, lại thêm một lần xếp gọn câu chuyện, lẩn vào trong nhật ký và sẻ chia thời gian còn lại với bản thân. Cô tự hỏi, anh có thật sự hiểu cô mong muốn gì ở anh...

Giấc ngủ đã lâu ngày mệt mỏi với mộng mị và đầy rẫy suy nghĩ quẩn quanh. Vòng tay ôm anh nhưng chỉ thấy, như ngủ mơ, như chỉ một mình với ảo giác. Cái cảm giác xa gần trong gang tấc khiến cô muốn nấc.

Anh bảo nhớ cô mỗi lúc bận rộn với công việc. Cô buột miệng đáp mình cũng nhớ anh rồi sau đó lại ngồi thừ ra nhìn chiếc điện thoại, cảm giác như bị bỏ rơi giữa những ngày lẽ ra phải có đôi có cặp. Bất giác cô chỉ muốn quăng mạnh chiếc điện thoại vào tường cho vỡ nát tất cả nhưng chỉ lại nghĩ mông lung và trở lui vào chăn, đắp che kín đầu và im lặng.

Anh bảo có lẽ ít trò chuyện lại tốt hơn, sẽ chẳng còn giận hờn tranh cãi. Anh bảo, cô gần như chau mày mỗi khắc khi trò chuyện cùng anh. Cô im lặng. Đã lâu rồi anh không còn lắng nghe câu chuyện hàng ngày của cô. Tất cả chỉ là những nụ hôn vội, những vòng tay, là "anh yêu em" và ngủ quên khi nào chẳng biết.

Cô viết nhiều hơn mỗi ngày, và ít phàn nàn hơn hẳn. Anh vui vì điều đó. Anh không nhận ra rằng, là cô đã buông xuôi, không còn cái háo hức của những kẻ mới yêu muốn quay cuồng trong hạnh phúc.

Hai ngày nay anh đổ bệnh. Cổ họng rát và thi thoảng lại sốt. Cô muốn đút cho anh muỗng cháo, pha cho anh ly trà nóng, lau mồ hôi và thuốc thang, cận kề chăm sóc nhưng anh chỉ bảo, anh cần nghỉ ngơi. Cô ngồi bên, chẳng thể nói gì hơn, đành lại viết và cuộn mình trong chăn nhiều hơn.

Từ lâu rồi cô không điện thoại đến nơi làm việc của anh, cũng chẳng còn chủ động nhắn tin như trước. Chỉ ngồi nhìn mây, anh có hỏi thì đáp nhanh và lại lơ đãng với mông lung.

Cô không muốn chia tay, vì cô biết mình yêu anh đến nhường nào. Nhưng ở cạnh bên anh, cô cũng không muốn nghĩ đến. Cô bước lùi dần mỗi ngày, lặng ngắm anh từ xa chỉ như những ngày cô thầm nhớ đến anh. Cô nghe mắt cay thêm mỗi ngày và lòng ngày thêm nặng nhọc. Hơi thở thật vất vả, vất vả đến nỗi một câu nói thông thường cũng gây khó dễ cho cô. Thế nên, cô ngày càng thêm im lặng mỗi ngày. Chỉ cười khi cần thiết rồi lại thôi.

Có phải đó là cách yêu cũ rích của những người đàn bà như cô. Chịu đựng cho ngày tháng thêm dài và rồi đắm chìm vào những khắc khoải của bản thân. Đến một lúc nào đó, tự thân tình yêu này sẽ ruồng bỏ hai con người, và cô sẽ chỉ còn một mình.

Đong đếm chi những điều nhỏ nhặt... Những điều nhỏ nhặt, thế mà lại nặng như thể nghìn cân...

11/1

What do you want from me?

That's how everything starts and how we end our talk.
LOL

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Timeline

Fond memories with love, fragile heart is crying.

Happiness and sadness, they are floating with the timeline.
Day has stopped its light, the sound of this night kneels me down. I'm tossing about this love. Our love has grown and it's blooming during your cold nights. But when the snow starts melting, it seems your love to me is also about to vanish.
I'm so scared that you may forget who I am and how you've been loving me.
This is just a nightmare, I speak to myself. I deny admitting the fact that you're losing your interests in me.
As soon as morning comes, you will be back.. won't you? But I can't see our tomorrow.

You'll say, we've got nothing in common,
No common ground to start from,
And we're falling apart,
You'll say, the world has come between us,
Our lives have come between us,
Still I know you just don't care.