Haiz

1. Japanese ; ;
2. Tennis =,=
3. Keyring ~.~
4. Big pillow >.<

Gonna be super busy... can't even have time for ffxi...

Still feel uncomfortable with FR after knowing about the rumor. Such a stupid one. Why people love spreading rumors about others when they don't even know them well? I know who started that... such a childish thing to do.

Birthday present = =

V^n: honey
V^n: still havent answered me
V^n: what u want for birthday
D: about what
V^n: = =
D: dont know
D: show me ur beautiful sleep wear look
V^n: O.o
D: anything you give me i will treasure it
V^n: ><""""""

*sleep wear to D means as... T-shirts + shorts.... its actually my daily look - -""

As you are now busy working, I'm here listening to the song you sent to me long time ago, "一生愛你一個/鄭伊健" - Only Love You In My Life Time"

"Liking you, I know this feeling well.
In the past, you are you. In the past, I am I.
Even though currently, I am not clear what I like most about you.
To keep looking for you, retaining you, all depends on my intuition.

In fact, I really believe in love instincts.
In the past, I have searched through the Cape horizon.
Oblivious to wait for the main character of love in my the heart.
Loving you only, is like a romantic love song.

I hope you will only love me in this life time.
I hope you are mine.
I wish you will follow me. Even for a long path ahead.

Please allow me to love you only in this life time. Allow me to believe in my intuition.
Please entrust you lifetime of happiness to me.
Always in your heart, loving me."

For one last time...

D told me that you actually liked me before. You even mentioned it to me more than one time. I didn't know you were serious thinking of me. Reading back our past conversations, I felt a bit guilty. I did sense of something, but never was I so sure what it was. I guessed I messed up with you. I guessed so. You did try telling me what you'd been thinking, just it was not the right timing. Then after a month, I slipped away from your talks. I misunderstood it all. I was thinking you just made fun of me. Then later, we just stopped talking, no more spamming from you. Our relationship suddenly became as it'd never been existing.
You should know that until now, I still think of you, as a friend. And that I'm sorry for being unable to appreciate your feelings towards me. I am sorry.

To me, D is now my everything. Everything I'm trying to do now is to reach him, and to be with him. I don't know how long I can make it last this time but I want to try. At least, I still want to try to hold on this relationship.

If you still consider me as your friend, then this time, please congratulate me and encourage me for being the reckless me...

15/12..

You said that, one day, if possible, we could be together. Together was such a nice word. Even more nicer when I could hear it from my D.
I'd been dreaming of being with you. I'd dreamed to sleep in your arms and had you sheltered me through the nights. I'd dreamed to wake up beside you having your morning kiss on my forehead. I'd dreamed that I was trying to cook some proper meals for us while you were working hard out there. I'd dreamed of my small bookstore that when nobody was around, I would use up my free time, writing more and more about us.
I was so curious, but also felt so afraid of knowing more about your past relationship. Should I just stop digging in those stories? I should just learn to appreciate the moments with you and hold on to our precious love.
Why it was so hard when it came to face my love telling him how much I wanted to be with him? I didn't dare to make any promise; didn't dare to think further either. Day dreaming was also not in the list anymore...

D,
My honey D.
I'm not used to calling anyone as "honey" but that was how I'd been calling you everyday. You still have a doubt about my passions and love?
I wish I can give you more, more than words I'm typing down at the moment. I wish we can talk, not just on the phone but days and nights, facing each other. I wish the kisses can reach your skin and leave there some marks...
Just now when you're sleeping and I'm going crazy with a thought of us...
Missing you makes me feel good. Missing you makes me love you more...

; ;

Your birthday is coming...
Still don't know what to do ><"""

"What should I do when you're angry?"

Hum..
Here are some ideas for you, my D.
1. Keep hugging me.
2. Keep kissing me.
3. Keep saying you love me.
Because even when I'm angry, I still love you like crazy.
=p

Mãi Mãi Bên Em - Always with you

Khi bên nhau sợ câu giã từ
sợ một ngày ta sẽ mất nhau
mà cuộc đời làm sao ta đoán được
nhắm mắt xuôi tay tình xa...

That's the most recent we don't dare to think of...

Bee

My sweet Bee,

You are a very special part of me

I can't believe a person like you exists

I miss you when you're not there

My head feels light and my mind is racing

with dreams of a future together

I'm so in love with you

that I would wait forever

for the day I can hold Bee in my arms

When that day comes

I should warn you

I may never let you go.

Love you

Dee

One day...

Waiting for that "one day"
by dreaming and chasing after what we deserve to get.

Falling in the end~
^.^

To dream those dreams. I'm dreaming of us.

Finally the storm was over. I felt so relieved. Heart now is light as feather. And mind, mine is now as blooming flower, feels so alive and full of spirits for this life. Everything sharing with you is sparkling as little ray of light brightens the day.

I dream of us, every night through all the darkness until sunrise. Am I insane? But this madness, if being known as madness, is what people love falling into...


Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that
I’m the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again

2nd day

Van says:
keke
why do u have to be nice to me
D says:
you know why
Van says:
dont know~
D says:
hehehe testing me
Van says:
dont know muh
D says:
because u are nice to me and i like u a lot
beee i hope u wont get angry at me often

Van says:
will u cook for me?
you know im not good with it ; ;
D says:
yeah but it might not taste good
Van says:
XD
D says:
i would learn better to cook for u
Van says:
i will yell at u if its not good
XD
D says:
hehehe
Van says:
and /slap /slap
XD
D says:
omg
if you slap me i'll dieeeeeeeee
i am fragile moooooo
Van says:
its still better than /poke u with a sword >.>
D says:
i want to play swords still
Van says:
; ;
dont want
u will hit me and run away
thats not fair - -
D says:
hehehehe
i would let u catch up
Van says:
really?
D says:
yeah but i will dodge the sword hit

D says:
i think i'm going to miss u again today

Appreciated what you've given

D: but your mail sounds like you dont trust me anymore
B: then what do you want now
B: i dont know what to do
D: i dont want to give you up or no longer talk
D: i definately didnt want to talk on voice that moment
D: but it doesnt mean i dont want to hear from you
D: i just dont want you to hear me
B: u said dont call you in some months
B: thats what you said
D: i said that's what i need if you want me to forget and try to become like before
D: and you said you would be okay
D: but if you dont think it's okay then i dont want to do it

D: i feel like if we stopped for awhile i can have a chance to keep you around
B: you didnt even ask me what i wanted to do
B: you decided all
D: i was asking
D: i am asking now
D: i only make a decision because i took your silence as feeling uncomfortable
D: that's not what i wanted at all
D: i just really want you to understand why i didn't answer
D: and also to forgive that time

B: what if I wake up and you change your mind again, saying you need to stay away from me
B: i dont know when i can hear from you again
D: i dont want to stay away from you
B: thats what you said last night
D: you said you wanted to be like usual again and i think it would be hard to do that without a long time away
D: when u say usual i take that as you want me to forget everything

B: i told you to focus on your work
D: i thought you were not going to talk to me
B: since when i said so
D: and i had headache
B: i said we would talk when you had time
D: in ur mail it sounds like u r not going to talk to me anymore
B: i said it clearly in my msg
B: not that...
B: i was just trying to say, if you wanted to talk to me then nothing to hold you back
B: only you could stop yourself from talking to me and if it was your choice then I had to agree with it even I didnt want it
B: that's all

I'm not your Bee anymore...

What's so good about relationship?
Nothing except it's the best way to break your heart and to lose a friend.
Don't let those fairy tales fool you.
Only a few great people can write their happy-endings.
Remember you are not one of those.

D says:
i dont feel comfortable talking right now
Van says:
i just need to talk
i told u right after i came back home already
D says:
call somebody else
Van says:
i dont want somebody else
D says:
i dont think i can talk at all
Van says:
just say good night to me
D says:
in msn only
Van says:
no
in phone
i cant think of anything for whole day
D says:
i told you i would have to stop
Van says:
when i know that you wont answer me any more
its really crazy for me
D says:
it's been already bad for me a long time
Van says:
so its my turn now?
D says:
you need to find a better person to talk to
i dont think i can be the person anymore
Van says:
one last time
then i wont call you anymore
D says:
no... sorry bee i cant

1st day

My heart is aching badly.
I can understand why.
But better not to know.

I'm such a stupid one to make you suffer with me.
I should have thought further, much further.
I should have thought twice before I told you that I would just bring happiness into your life.

This life is so miserable when you can't even put a smile on one's face.

Chanson de toile

D: it's hard to forget the past
D: like sometimes when i think of certain things i still remember her
B: i can see that
D: and i guess i want to know if shes okay sometimes
D: but i cant find out because never maintained a friendly relationship
B: but if u can, u still want to be friends after all?
D: actually, i dont really want her to know, i just want to find out if shes okay
D: and how she is doing
D: that's all
B: from the beginning when u first talked to me
B: u mentioned of her many times
D: yeah
D: there were times when i almost did xxx but i couldnt
D: because it's weird i kept remembering about her
D: lol i think i'm crazy, cant have another gf again
B: just u dont want
D: no, it's because when the relationship got closer i ended up thinking the wrong thing
B: wrong thing?
D: hm
D: ya like thinking of another girl
D: shouldnt be like that
B: i see
D: i think i'm ok for just regular friends and having fun but anything else cant do it :(
D: i tried to date a few times but it never went well
D: dont think i can again lol
D: i wish i could sometimes
D: i miss having someone close to talk to
D: some stuff u cant talk about with ur friends
B: its understandable
D: for some reason i can tell u most things
D: as long as not too mcuh of those topics in it haha
B: its because i never give out my opinions
D: i'm pretty lucky to know you
D: cept when you're angry (joke)
D: kekekekkeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
B: maybe later you will have to change your mind
D: i dont think i will change my mind
D: it's hard to find someone who can listen to you
D: dunno if you getting angry though

D: tomorrow i will shop for your present
D: sorry took so long to get any free time
B: its ok
B: im happy when hearing u want to give me some present
B: its ok even u dont give me anything
D: of course, u r one of the few people in my life
D: kekekeke
B: its like ud been with me all day @ my birthday
D: but so far :(
D: i dont know anything about trend
D: that's why my choice for present might be poor
B: hum
B: present is about how u think of ur friend
B: not about trend
D: i wanted something you like to wear often moooooooooo
B: i told u
B: i will use it often if u give it to me
D: but maybe u dont like it

Love me when I'm gone

Hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hole me when I'm here
("When I'm Gone" - 3 Doors Down)

The heart-to-heart conversation was worth for awaken night. I can see through your words finally. Let's keep doing it more frequently ^.^

Nghĩ

"Cuộc đời biết vẫn thế nhưng tôi vẫn buồn..."

Ngẫm...

Đôi khi em có thể cảm nhận tiếng cười của anh vang vọng đâu đó trong những giấc mơ. Tiếng cười thật khẽ. Có lẽ đã trở nên quá quen thuộc. Em có thể nghe thấy giọng nói ấm áp của anh, nghe thấy thật đấy. Kỳ lạ...
Những ngày thật kỳ lạ. Thật quá kỳ lạ...
Câu hỏi của anh, của Yến, của mọi người xoay vần trong tâm trí. Có mất gì để tin lời một người? Hãy cứ nói sự thật, hãy cứ để mọi người có thể nghe thấy tâm trạng của mình; nhưng tuyệt đối, không thể không thể đọc tất cả những suy nghĩ.
Thật kỳ lạ. Đó là tất cả những gì em có thể nói.
Nếu một ngày, anh có thể đọc, và hiểu, và chấp nhận tình cảm của em...
Có thể không nhỉ?
...

25th Birthday ^^

1st person greeting: D.
Last person gretting: D.
Whole day greeting: D.

^.^

FFXI: Ahn (<3), Ryu (even called me), Gravi, Santa, Rok, Exf, Azu (keke), Silky, Intel, Ath, Vul.

Uni mates: MTung, Trang Chu, Phuong, Thuy, sis Truc, Nhim, Trang N, Minh, Trang Vo, Hang

High school mates: Luong (ok, drink on me this Sunday), Yen (love u!!!), Lucia, Nam, An, TVan, Chi

Secondary mates: Linh Linh, Gigi, XNguyen, Mi, Macca

Others: Luna, Mr HMT, leaf, Du, Nicky, Thi, Meow, Rachell, Van Ho, Mr Phuong, Mr Tam, Nguyen, Quinnie, Yen, Poey, Fancy Italy, Lyon

Darn funny birthday party with close friends. Darn happy happy to see Meow back from Australia. Ate to full then went home with Mr D.

Sorry to make you late to work again ; ;
Thank you D :)
For making my day so special. Teary and happy. <3 you a lot :")

D~ pics uploading @ flickr already =p

Birthday's present

B: Sing a song for me.
B: A birthday song.
D: No.
B: Why not? It's a tradition.
D: Singing is bad for me. I don't like it.
B: Why?
D: I don't want to answer it.

/sigh

I hate you when you're drunk.
It makes me worry and start feeling depressed.

What if...

What about you
What about me
What if we try
What if I cry
What about life
What about fairy tales
Are they all lies?

All the way back
I broke down
Couldn't hold on

Không gì cả

Em trông đợi gì ở anh?
Không gì cả.
Khi tất cả chỉ dường như là hư ảo, em không thể và cũng chẳng dám mong đợi gì.

Em biết anh vẫn đang ở bên kia.
Em biết anh vẫn đọc kỹ tất cả những dòng tâm sự của em.
Nhưng tất cả vẫn là không đủ, vì anh vẫn lặng im để mặc em tự mình xoay sở.

Đã không còn là một cô nhóc không biết gì.
Em biết rõ điều đó nhưng vô lý thay, em vẫn cảm giác như mình không hiểu tí gì về anh.

Giá như anh có thể một lần gọi tên em, một lần thôi nói với em rằng "Hãy đừng nói gì cả và hãy ngồi cạnh bên anh"

Em hiểu sự vô lý của những người con gái.
Và em hiểu rằng, em cũng chỉ là một trong số họ.
Vì thế mà em chẳng thể đòi hỏi bất kỳ điều gì từ anh.

Em nhận ra tất cả trăn trở trong anh nhưng chẳng thể an ủi anh dù chỉ một lời.
Chỉ có thể tỏ ra em gàn, bướng, thiếu suy nghĩ.

Em chẳng thể giận anh lâu, chỉ là em tự giận mình đã lại thêm những lần ngu ngốc.
Muốn mình thôi phiền phức nhưng lại khiến anh mệt mỏi thêm.
Và lại chẳng thể nào thôi tìm đến bên anh.

Nhất thiết, không thể điện thoại cùng anh, không thể trò chuyện cùng anh.
Nhất thiết, phải loại bỏ em ra khỏi cuộc sống của anh.
Nhất thiết phải như thế khi em chẳng thể hoán đổi thời gian để lại là một người bạn.

Thật sự, em đã làm quá sức mình và chẳng thể thay đổi điều gì.
Vậy thì có gì để mong đợi?

Another wonder...

Samson loved Delilah, she betrayed him, and, what is worse, she did it for money
B says:
samson was like a hero
couldnt be defeated
D says:
lol he got defeated afterall
B says:
yeah
by a woman
D says:
woman can defeat the strongest men
can u defeat ur man bee?

Do you feel what I feel?

It's must be such a coincidence that we both watched 2012 today. It was another good movie of John Cusack. The whole time watching that movie, there was only a thought of you occurred in my mind. Before, I wasn't so sure if I wanted to be with you that much. Then your sms were buzzing me... At that moment, I just wished if I could be with you, even for just a second.

I remembered of last night, and a night before. I threw away my prides and told you how much I'd been missing you, how much I'd been wanting you. I didn't know for sure, if you really cared or simply, it was just a polite response to calm me down. Somehow I felt so distant to this world when all it had done was to separate me from you.

This morning, I played "Way back into love" again. And it was so hard for me to share that song with you. I didn't dare to name my feelings toward you. And by that, I guessed, I couldn't tag it as any; except the part that I leaned towards to reach you.

I'd heard the rumors finally. It was so funny when people were trying to dig in our stories. No need to explain and no need to hide away I guessed. We both knew that we did nothing wrong to anyone. Did the rumors bother you? I hoped not.

I was here and there, waiting for you, even when I was hiding under my blanket or when I was wandering around my city. Always a thought of waiting for you.

Why it is so hard to say so, and why I have to confess it all here...
I'm waiting for your "Bee, I'm home"

Morning breeze

It was cold this morning.
I had class early today and went out with a sudden wind blowing around. Hands got frozen and it almost felt like ice.
It was a good feeling.
The way it came to me was so unpredictable that made me think of death. It was almost the same. Came suddenly and took us away before we could realize. I wondered if death could be pleasant one like that.
When driving on the empty road, I coudln't help closing my eyes for seconds. Just wanted to blend into the wind, to become a part of it and to blow everything up into the sky above.
Today was a grey cloudy sky. Until now, there was no sun showing up. It brought back the memories of 2 years ago when I experienced sole life.
But it was a good feeling.

I went home at noon, signed in msn and saw D there. Weirdly, I felt it unnecessary to talk to him. I enjoyed the silence as sitting in front of my laptop, starring at his ID and then logging out. He didn't listen to me.

Whole night I was sunk in nightmares, not really nightmares. I was indeed sunk in my current life where I couldn't find anyone to trust in. D didn't want me to trust in him. Thus, I had to doubt at myself also.

Last night talk was sad. Even I admitted how badly I wanted to be with him, and how badly I wanted to see him happy.

I sat at the balcony for awhile, continued enjoy the breeze. Flowers were finally bloomed. I guessed they were all waiting for my care. They were almost withered when I let the maids water them. So strange that after a week I spent time for them, they turned into fresh and green, even bloomed now. The smell of flowers mixed in the icy air of weather created such a sense to please myself.
That was what I'd been waiting for. A little enjoyment that only me could feel.

I was trying to tell D how I felt today. I was trying to say, "D, I must have missed you a lot."

This fine weather was the most pleasant gift from nature for November.
I was glad that I was born in November.

If you're an electric socket, they're the plug. If you're the Internet, they're the wireless modem. That is to say, you two are really, really connecting.

Then show me D, if we were really connecting.

is it that unusual that both of us might be a little crazy haha

D says:
i know i am crazy but i dont think i'm alone
u still here
B says:
huh?
D says:
huh what
is it that unusual that both of us might be a little crazy haha

kind of but not the way ur thinking :")

D: ok i go to bed
B: nuuu
D: need to wake in 3 hrs
B: i was just home muh ; ;
D: i know
D: i waited till now hehehe
D: surprised u back
D: so fast
B: ; ;
B: u waited for ur phone call
D: huh
D: no
D: i finished 1hr ago
D: no i just waited to say hi beeeeeeeeeeee kekeke
B: >.> lie
D: real <_<
B: u said u wouldnt sleep if u didnt receive that pic
D: i would still sleep in 10 mins
D: but now that ur back i decided to sleep
B: O.o
B: why ><""""
D: dont know
D: hehehe
B: ; ;
D: maybe got used to talking to u before sleep
D: hehehehe
B: oh
B: :D
B: i thought u saw me home so u decided to sleep - -
D: kind of but not the way ur thinking

B: stay 4 mins
D: but need to start again in 3 hrs
B: XD
D: 2 mins
B: - - 3
D:1
B: nu
B: ><"
D: i'm supposed to be gone already!

D is nice.
But not nice enough!!!!
Grrrr.

For yesterday, for today and days after

New agreement!

1. B will just only calls D 2 times per month. No more, no less. In case B calls D more than 2 times, D has the right not to pick up the phone and gets mad with B.
2. For special occasions and holidays, besides 2 regular times calling each month, B is allowed to call D 1 more time within 5 minutes (so unfair).
3. In case B breaks the agreements intentionally, if B doesn't let D pay phone bill for B then phone call will be limited 2 times per year only (no way! no way! no way!).
4. Along with sms, msn, B will have to try FREE voice program with D starting tomorrow.

Those 4 requirements have been discussed and agreed by both sides. = =" (You forced me to agree, no fair at all)

Exclusion: In case B is sick, 5 minutes calling can be extended. ^^v

MoH [D's version]

D: oh yeah, i didnt say this in awhile so
D: gonna say it now!!!!
D: beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
B: ><
D: ok i'm good for a few hours hehehehehehe

D: do u have thanksgiving in vn
D: probably not?
B: no
D: i decided to celebrate it this year lol
D: since it's on 11/26

*B saying I hate you D when I decided to publish this post. lol. I'm so nice to you, why you hate me beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Materials of happiness - MoH

I am a material girl who's greedy for a few nice things happening around. And I don't want to be broke. That's why I always determine the difference from want to need and spend money on what counts only. It is the same for any relationship (R) I've had, I need to know if it's worth to give it a try. If you want this R, then what are needed to be done? Worth to be done?

This R is definitely not what I want or need. I don't want long distance relationship and I don't need someone faraway from me to care of me. So in terms of need and want, this R fails both.

But... I want to be with that person so even I don't want this R, there's a need to maintenance it.
Meaning: I want this person.
Payment: Need to work on this R.

This is the difference between material girls and others. They let themselves run free for what they want more than what they need.

However, it's necessary to consider if this person is worth to hold on. And that's why I need to clarify if he fits in the list of my "MoH".

--
An evaluation of RL profile.

1. Profile:
- Unknown identity: Met in fantasy of life, exchanged contacts (+0)
- Gender: Male (+1)
- Age: Older than me (+1)
- Language chosen to communicate: English (+0)
- Location: too faraway (-1)
- Status: Single but not available (-1)
- Job: Yes, have 1 (+1)

Total: +1

2. Impression:
- First time talking: Too quiet, not so friendly, seem nice... but too quiet (-1)
- Second talk: Too talkative, talk of nonsenses a lot, still seem nice... (-1)
- Third talk: Full of surprises, profile information added, really nice one (+2)

Total: 0

3. Personalities:
(Not to reveal)

Total: +2

4. Habits and hobbies:
- Drinking: Yes (-1)
- Smoking: Yes (-1)
- Gambling: No (+1)
- Sex: Good profile (+1)
- Gaming: Yes, but not addicted (+1)
- Sport: No (-1)
- Music: Everyday, various genres (+1)
- Reading: No (-1)

Total: 0

5. Comments from others: Interviewing 10 persons around us.
(Not to reveal)

Total: +6

6. Result: +9, Passed.

--
An evaluation of "MoH": 10 random questions.
1. Can you talk to me more than 3 times after first meeting?
Yes (+1)
2. Can you make me laugh with silly stories?
Yes (+1)
3. Can you stand my unreasonable moody status?
Sometimes bothered (+0)
4. How many medias you can use to communicate with me?
More than 1 (+1)
5. How often you make me mad?
Everyday (-1)
6. How do you deal with my anger?
Admit mistake if I'm wrong, leave you for awhile if it's random madness. (+0)
7. How often you talk to me?
Everyday (+1)
8. In case I need to be away for awhile, how often you contact me?
Everyday still (+1)
9. In case I need to be with myself for some time, how do you react?
Ask for reason and take your time. (+0)
10. Do you keep any secret from me?
Yes, but I did say I had my secrets. (-1)

Total: 3/10 (Grrr)

Obviously... D... u failed my test! Grrrr! I'm gonna kill you!

Fire in the house! Nah, it was yesterday =p

[Starting]
D: i want u to sleep
B: i dont feel sleepy
D: ok dont sleep
D: just stay awake forever and turn into a dead meat later

[After 15 mins]
D: beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
D: if ur staying awake u could talk to me still :(

[After 10 mins]
D: when i went to sleep i missed 35 calls and 9 emails
D: i think like 11 or 12 is you tho

[After 30 mins]
D: ok i stop talking
D: doesnt seem like our conversation is leading where i want
B: where u want it leads to?
D: the usual
D: maybe lol a bit then back to sleep wear then go to bed
B: u made me worry again
D: u made me worry more
D: when i was sleeping i had some crazy dreams too
B: what crazy dreams?
D: i dont really want to talk about the dreams
D: u even cried at the end so what am i supposed to think
D: i need to punish u actually
B: ><
B: u told me u had some dreams then u said u didnt want to talk about it again
B: it must be related to what we've been talking
D: it's your fault i had that dream

[After 1 hour]
D: i am kind of thinking about what i did wrong
D: but i know i'm not supposed to ask
D: grrr
B: huh?
B: just ask muh
B: its more easier if u just make all clear
D: u said cant tell me
B: huh?
B: what i cant tell u?
D: i asked u if i did something wrong and u said yes but cant tell me
B: when?
D: before i hung up last night
B: really?
B: nooo
D: yeah
B: i didnt hear that
B: i must think of something else
B: im sorry to say stupid things last night
D: that's why i had crazy dreams all night
B: i was just a bit tired after coming home and sometimes couldnt hear u well
B: was a bit tired and blurred muh
D: i asked u did i do somethign wrong and you clearly said yes, but can't help it
D: then i asked the reason and you said cant tell
B: im sorry ; ;
D: so actually u r ok?
D: or not ok?
D: this kind of thing makes me tired
B: i am terribly sorry
D: it's okay, it happens
B: i dont know it makes you think that much
D: i know it's not intentional

[After some hours]
D: hehehehe that is your punishment for saying that to me
B: u cruel
B: u always think of how to punish me only = =
D: actually u punished me a lot already
B: ><""""
B: no
D: u just dont know it usually kekeke
B: ; ;
B: sorry muh
B: didnt mean to
B: just sometimes really want to punish u
B: but not always
D: how can u punish meeeeeeeeee
B: because
B: ...
B: keke
D: im so good

[After really long hours]
D: even when u r angry u usually have some reasons
D: except for that bad week
D: lol
D: but usually a good reason

[In D's very last hour]
B: dont ask me to take pic
D: why
B: look deadmeat
B: dont like
D: i mean why dead
D: dont u have much free time now
B: last night didnt sleep
D: i slept but painfully
D: i get to go home already
D: dead meat beeeeeeee

^.^ Okaeri~~~
Sleep tight Mr.D =p

Define: Relationship.

1. Relationship needs time. Time to learn about your partner. Time to build up trust. Time to deal with misunderstanding through discussion and quarrel.

2. Relationship needs care. Caring is important part of any relationship when you haven't understood your partner well. Caring can make you be patient enough to spend more time for it. Caring causes your awareness of your partner current status (health, career, family, & friends)and develop a need to improve it.

3. Relationship needs ambition. Being greedy is ok. Being demanding is ok. It leads your relationship to be more stable and provides good environment for your relationship to grow. It also protects the certain stage of the relationship among daily and unexpected threatens.

4. Relationship needs honesty. Honest is the key to establish any kind of relationship. Being honest means that giving both persons chances to clarify the matching percentage then we can consider 3 requirements above.

A story of B and D was developed at uncertain timing that both found it difficult to state it clearly in month, date, year. It was obviously that they didn't seem to be interested in each other after some troubles occurred to their own lives.

From the beginning, B and D were just strangers getting to know each other through one particular event. As B being friendly and a bit standing out of group of people in her age, D found it might be worth to have fun around with B as a friend.

Being friends was always a good start for everything. And that quote was also right for this story. As friends, they found it relaxing when the conversations were full of laughs. As friends, they were honest to each other and later started caring more of each other. As a friends, they had learned about each other well. Through misunderstandings happened sometimes between two, they finally realized, they were more than friends and there was no label could suit to tag on the relationship.

Until B asked D to define, "what is our relationship"

Defining...
Please wait.

Starless night

This must be the longest night I have been waiting for you. This night seems to empty when I am fed up with frustration and confusion. Daytime is heaven and at night it turns to hell when suddenly I feel the coldness of being lonesome.

The stars above me bright and faraway... just like you.

Grrr

He has to work overtime again ; ;
Bee doesn't feel happy with it ><""""
It will make he work in 10 hours in total today!!!

Travel safely
and be home soon.

I'm waiting ^.^

Greeting you, great day

Even if your money situation is off, you're at the center of someone's world -- and that counts for a lot. So don't stress if you can't get your checkbook to balance. That's a minor details in the grand scheme of things.

Just know that nothing beats your self-confidence to enchant someone into the lair keke ^^v

November in memoirs

Can't say it directly to you but I've decided to bring all back to the beginning. Please just remember, this November I've given you all of my heart.

You just don't know how much I care...

Cookies baked one side

My girl loves cookies.
Crunchy ones.
Every time we talk on the phone, she will roll on her bed and eat those cookies. To me, it's the most sexy sound I've ever heard. She never has to mind her manners with me and that's how we've got closed to each other day by day.

My girl she loves cookies.
Different types of cookies.
And she loves baking them.
I miss the smell of our kitchen every time she tries new ones. Home is full of that tasty smell and to me, it's the most sweetest thing she's ever done. She sings while she's baking. She hugs me when her arms covered with flour. I don't mind at all because it's her who covers my stress after work.

One day I go back home and the kitchen is empty.
My girl has gone.
She left there those one side baked cookies.
I realize I've never tried any of them before. Only she was the one who kept eating them day and night. I was too busy with work and she was always home eating alone. I was too busy drinking and she was always home sleeping alone.

This isn't as happy as I thought.
With money full in pocket, this heart feels cold.
As cold as those cookies left on table.
I didn't even know when she left.
I never read a sign.

This is the first time I try her cookies.
It's cold and tasteless.
It's crunchy and broken just as me...

Speak for yourself

A mile of mind, it takes whole night to walk through. When stepping forward to the sound, the silence speaks loudly. It echoes in ears and drums the heart.

It takes me some time to get here and it will take me double of that time to get out. Babe, I stuck on you. I can feel my weakness coming on the way.

I can't afford any mistake or misbehaving. I'm afraid one day we will both get hurt badly.

This morning waking up, the grey rainy sky tears with me. I don't want to feel like this, but that's normal for anyone to feel. I'm afraid of one day you leaving just as today.

Could we be just friends?
I knew it wasn't meant like this.
I couldn't resist your charm.
That was such a spell you had cast.

This is your whole thoughts twisting inside your head.
This is what has been weakening us both...

Take me away from this ordinary day

6 hours waiting was frustrating.
6 hours couldn't contact to you at all after your last sms.

You came home finally.
Tired and exhausted.

Not a good time to question I thought.
Today we had another weird day.

We kept silent by sitting beside each other for awhile.

I'm always nice to you.
Just you don't think so.

It's that hours walking froze the mind.
It's that I was trying to warm you up as much as I could.

By this distance, such a distance to tear us apart.
I could hear you rolling in your heavy dark blue blanket. I could hear all of your sighs. I could hear... that's all I could.

You're feeling dizzy again...
I feel bad about it you know...

Bee, do u think we need to talk less?

I dare you, I dare you to repeat those words again.
Do you have any idea how hard I've tried to make you talk to me?
Do you have any idea?

To be honest i like talking to u, and that would be the only down side

Then talk to me, talk to me as much as you want.
Why you have to run away from this attraction? It's normal, absolutely normal.

That's what makes me upset lately when you keep hiding your true feelings.
Who cares if we fall down together?
We're happy, that matters the most.

I've told you, we're doing fine.
See, I can make you laugh again. Isn't it good?

Don't think too much, just enjoy the view in front of you :)

I believe it's now, nothing can defeat us.

This morning no sunlight,

Almost a week passed and I still have no idea for my next exhibition. I'm feeling pressure on my shoulders. Maybe I will just call it off. I don't want to do concept photography anymore. It's not art when it can't be delivered to people. Can I just take pictures of my daily life and ask people to join in?

It's more sick when you're not around.

I'm not getting mad.
Hard to convince you that I'm not getting mad.

Make love no war
I'm missing it.

I always see you as who you are.
And I bet you can tell,
I'm blending in your world.
Why you still have a doubt?

It's 4 AM and my place is still in the darkness. Surrounding me is the silent air that no one talks and no one cares. It feels so bad when I wake up at midnight and realize you are not home. Your phone is ringing but you don't listen. I'm not getting mad with you at all. I'm concerned. I'm scared that you leave me here and let me feel the coldest air.

The rain outside is lack of rhythm. It does sound souly. I feel it breaking in pieces. Can you just come home?

At this certain age and having some certain broken, people tend to care less and turn to be over protective. It's been hard for me to take off your guard to get in your heart and mind. It's something that I'm always appreciated. Why suddenly you wear it on again and push me away that harsh?

We've been doing fine.
We're doing fine.

I wish you will drop me a line saying,
"Bee, I'm home."

The bill costed us a month salary dear.

That what he told me today.
I kept silent...

We had to pay the bill instead of restraining ourselves from missing each other.
And you didn't think it was worth?

A relationship does have expenses.

Don't call me next time if you are afraid of what it will cost you :)

Two worlds merging...

That will cause an explosion.

He falls down, I know.
I can't help it. I'm falling along.

I really don't know your every move
But slowly, I can feel how your reaction will come.
I can understand your fear and I can see you're trying to run away from our story.
However boy, you're falling in too deep already.
I can tell you're missing me and I can feel you around.
I'm letting myself falling along with you.

I am demanding, and greedy, and picky :)
Lucky me, you're here to please me.

A dream to miss

That guy was my very first thinking of in my young age. It must be a joke that he suddenly stood on my balcony, waving to some other girl (lol). Catching him in my arms with his bare naked back, it was a shocking that I could even smell his body as I used to before. It was a pleasant smell and it was the least thing I expected for my dream.

Why I thought of you just now? I guessed I missed you somehow.

Wasn't it we still talked sometimes and we both enjoyed our conversations?

Can't let you feel what I've been feeling
Those I've been hiding
Those are lies,
Well, some is not.
A pleasant invitation to dreams...

Why don't you just ask?

D: the question i wanted to ask that night
D: is, can i know ur home address?
B: huh?
B: why
B: i mean
D: just answer me yes or no
B: why u dont ask

Isn't she cute one? She's been waiting for you to ask, silly.
Isn't it sweet that finally he asked? He's been dwelling in his affections.
That's normal when a boy meets a girl.

Even you have been experienced difficulties in relationship and you have been doubted in yourselves, it's the most natural disaster happens that you once again have to fall in that trap again. And, if it's a cant-help, why don't you just enjoy it?

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure...
(Another you - Cascada)

I can't promise it will be an happy ending love story for anyone who happens to "know" about it; but, I can tell that, it will be lots of efforts putting in and it will be one that is worth to try out.

Just simply be yourself and enjoy your time with me. We'll figure all out together.

Individual that counts...

I've got new invitation for online photography exhibition next January. Another exhibition of same old topic: The view of my city.

Been thinking for awhile of how I'm able to express my feelings, my own view in my way. Through glass window of buildings? Through one's views? Through daily street-life activities? I'm stuck...

Through only 10 pictures... must be 10 good ones that can lead people to take a walk deep into this city. They say, with my talent, I shouldn't have any problem to hold this exhibition. I'm having a doubt...

Need more walk, more, more!

This time, I don't want third party view... I want my own view... My personal view... I want to mark this land and make people be more opened to me.

Hoping that idea will pop out soon...

Walking on the street at night

Bee, can't you see? This light wore off and you must open eyes widely to walk home safely.
Every man is blind in his heart.
And somebody must take his heart away.
But I won't take any of your things.
I want you to see, how much my love can take care of you.
Nothing more and nothing less in the sky; stars and moon, they are just as same as any decorations sparkling on the Christmas tree. Keep thinking like that until I say, "Bee, we are home safely."

When I was young, I always loved going out at night. I wished to blend in those emo group of people, pretended feeling hurt and harmed. People seemed to be cool with their own pain. It could be seen as cant-help-being-attractive character of adult.

I had grown up with that thought until the day I could really walk in the night. Opposite to what I'd known, night was so peaceful and that at night; as long as I could walk on the street, all angers, all pains vanished amazingly.

I don't need a cigarette to look cool. I don't need a lonely look to be cool. I am cool since I don't have to pretend I am.

The most greatest gift after a walk in late hours is you can go home, safely; and feel you in all pieces.

That magic, can only cast by the darkness out of daytime.

Then you can go in under your blanket, whisper of someone's name and sink in souled sleep....

The meaning of your dreams

Honesty isn't always the great deal for in-progress relationship. And you told me, there was a need to keep secrets from me thus you could maintain a relationship. But what kind of relationship to carry on when never can you be opened to me.

This is kind of weird. Well, not really, this is actually any person has to once have been through in a life. It is like the first time you take off all clothes and stand in front of another. You can't really bare the stare. That is when the ugly truth is revealed. Tell me, are you afraid?

I'm hiding, again, under my blanket. I don't want to hear all your lies. You have known me well but why still need a mask when we are having dinner together?

I'm waiting for 350 days...

Is that person closed to you?
Yeah. Kind of.
I think that one must be important to you...
Yeah.
...
Actually, I dreamed of you.

This city at night?

It's morning already. Monday morning for someone like me is just any time of an ordinary day. No hush, no rush and lots of unpleasant uncertainties.
I woke up around 3 am. I felt burden in heart and mind.

Listen boy, you don't really get it right.
This city at night, it eats me up inside.
I feel lost and I can only find me with you.
I can only hold on you and hope to see me being fine next morning.

This is my sudden breaking... I'm off my guarding and sadly, it has never been the right time for me to reconnect with anyone.

Isn't it sad... isn't it?

I read the silence of this city, every page of its story. I read all and it is so teary. How come it's so dark this morning after I walk away from my sleep?

When I'm opened, you are closed.
This is why I can't reach you out.
When I stay, you ask me to go.
This is why I just can only watch you from this side of the road.
Can you once light up a sign?
Please find me before I start to cry.

Always the city at night somehow makes me feel a lot of you.